Reading 5th grade

September

This reading is related to the topic we were discussing the last class.

Read the article and we will discuss it and work with some questions in class.



This piece originally appeared on Femsplain.com. Femsplain is a community for everyone, powered by personal stories from anyone female-identified. It has been given minor edits before re-posting.
After years of consuming anxiety-inducing ads that alert me of my “flaws” (my blackness, my shortness, etc.), I’ve begun to realize the alarming ways in which I, at times, view myself. I admit that, during one of my most vulnerable moments, I’ve asked Google, “What is inherently ugly about being short?” I went deeper and deeper into this wide web, stumbling on blogs that offered various answers including: “Clothes look best on a proportioned, lengthened body.” I looked down at my short torso and my somewhat bloated stomach and despised what I viewed as mistakes.
While I lurked online, I noticed what was being touted as the solution: an ad for leg-lengthening surgery. I could hear the male, authoritative advertising voice attempting to sell the surgery to me. “Do you desire to be taken seriously?” he’d say. “Would you like to be the envy of all your friends? Well, what if I told you the secret to attracting a tall, chiseled, well-dressed man is having long, beautiful legs?” And for the final blow, in which the voiceover preys on one of my insecurities: “Remember, you’re a black woman.” Even Psychology Today published an online article that tried to scientifically provethat black women are ugly called, ‘Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women?’ (which they have since taken down). "The least you can do is strive for perfection in other avenues.”
I perused articles on leg-lengthening surgery, already feeling inadequate enough to consider undergoing the procedure. I learned that there are various extremely painful options. For example, in one procedure, a surgeon would purposefully break my shin bones and would slowly separate the broken bones until my body attempted to heal itself by growing another bone within the fracture. This would be repeated until the desired length is produced. The surgery itself can take months to be completed. Afterwards, I’d spend the painful, months-long recovery period in a wheelchair. And there would be the possibility that I’d never walk again. I presented this information to my mother and she, rightfully, contemplated never letting me go on the Internet for my cosmetic needs again. She held my head in her hand, narrowed her eyes at me, and asked if I was okay. In response, I asked her if my health insurance would cover the shin-shattering surgery.
Fortunately, the moment of desperation passed. The risks that the surgery posed were not and are not worth the possibility of me fitting into one, limited construct of beauty. Unlike other components of my cosmetic improvement wish-list, lengthening my legs is not easily achievable. But, in light of realizing how warped my self-image can become, I’ve reflected on the rest of this wish-list, which is as follows:
  1. Straight, manageable hair: I remember getting my first perm, which chemically straightened my hair, at 13. Prior, I viewed many messages, including advertisements, that seemed to communicate, “coarse hair is a defect. Straight hair is not only beautiful, it is professional.”
  2. Shapely eyebrows: I started waxing my bushy, brown and black girl-staple eyebrows, now deemed beautiful in the modeling industry since being popularized by white models.
  3. Plump lips: Since my lips are big, I didn’t wear lipstick or colored lip gloss for several years. I didn’t want to draw attention to my lips when they are viewed as ugly and animalistic when attached to a black body, but trendy when attached to a white one. Also, see: advertisements that mostly use models with European features because of the white beauty ideal.
  4. Fair skin: According to many major cosmetic companies, fair skin is perfection. While I never lightened my skin, I can’t help but wonder about the privileges I could enjoy if my skin was lighter.

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